As the year is winding down and I contemplate all that happened in 2015 and all that is to come in 2016 I came to the complete and obvious realization that I have been stuck in a rut. And not just an “my disease has progressed” rut. More of an ” I have given up” rut.

As I sit on my couch watching yet another Netflix marathon with my ass molding into the couch that I seem to be glued to now a days I can’t help but feel utterly pathetic. I think to myself I need to at least try and accomplish something today in the house or get outside but I just can’t seem to get the energy to do so. Sure, part of my lack of energy I can attribute to the fact that my joint pain has increased lately. My kidney pain is what it always is and my overall condition is doing what I expected it to be doing at this age. Things are taking their course as I knew they would… but what the problem really is, is my attitude. My drive to fight. To do, well, anything.  I sit and think about where my energy has gone, and why I have put on these 6 pounds that I can’t get off, I mean nothing has changed right?

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